this post is for you.
i told sy i wont post about it but i decided to cos i feel like dying anytime now.
why must it be her.
someone whom i feeeeeel so much for, yet everything comes to a naught.
i feeel terrible every day looking at you getting on with life so happily... I'M GLAD. seriously.
but yet it pains me to KCUFing go through all of these because i haven't gotten over you.
I HAVE NOT GOTTEN OVER YOU.
but what can i do ?! there is no point telling her about it and making her feel miserable and guilty and sorry because thats not i want ! it doesnt change anything.
everytime she tells me about her and ______ , i will just put on a brave front and pretend to be happy.
everytime she treats me very well i will feel very pleased and excited because i will tell myself ' she still likes you at least for 1%' and just make myself feel better.
everytime i tell myself i must wait for her i just feel glad that she is always within my reach and i know i can do my best even if i fail.
every moment i spend with her are quality time tgt because i will rmb them forever.
everytime she just smiles and burst out laughing or does every little silly thing i will be happy for her.
everytime she gets into problems my heart just goes out for her.
everytime she tells me ' i will be there for you' you know how lucky i thought i was because i know i had her no matter what im going through, good or bad.
everytime i know i cannot be there for her whenever she feels lousy or stuff or that i just dont know what to do whenever you tell me about him i get this lousy miserable feeling.
everytime i know i tried my best to do everything to get over her i just could not do it.
she does not know it, but i am just simply waiting and doing everything and anything to be there for her if she ever needs me to be there to just hear rubbish or scold and cry over little things and just hope she feels better.
i keep telling myself to be happy when she is , well i do but nonethelesss i just cannot do much to get over the uneasy feeling i had ever since ages ago when i first fell in love with her.
consequently, other rs i had failed because it is her that i gave up everything i had and i never once regretted doing so because i know its unfair to me and the other nice girls AND THAT I DO STILL HAVE YOU IN MY TOP PRIORITY.
but will i get my wish. i doubt so.
right now.
words like 'i miss you like some fuck' 'do you know i loved you dearly' but yet i could not tell her just kills me because you know she is right under your nose but you are helpless and restricted because you know she is the only one for you but you cannot do a shit about it.
yes i can tell you i still love you.
i'm right down here waiting for you.
to someone i will always be there for , whether rain or shine.
YES IT IS YOU.